Make less.

Child: I tried to return my books and the machine outside wouldn’t take them.
Me: When were they due?
Child: March 18th.
Me: *checks date* that was almost a month ago, you’re going to have late fees.
Child: But I tried to return them and the machine wasn’t working.
Me: Did you try coming inside and giving it to one of us to check in?
Child: No, we had to go somewhere.
Me: Well then you’re going to get late fees.
Mother: We tried to return them and the machine wasn’t working.
Me: I’m aware, but you could have just called us when we were open and we could have renewed over the phone.
Mother: I didn’t do that.
Me: Well, I’m sorry but you’re going to get late fees.
Mother: How much?
Me: Not a lot, it’s $7.80.
Mother: *grimaces* make less.
Me: I’m sorry?
Mother: Make less. I want you to make less.
Me: Make less? Make the fines less?
Mother: Yes.
Me: You turned them in a month late, I can’t waive your fines. She can do book reports or read in the library to lower the fines.
Mother: *counts out $7.80* here.
Me: You have to pay up front.

SHE HAS YET TO PAY THE MONEY SHE DEFINITELY HAD.

Lemon play

Patron: “Why can’t my son play with the lemon? ”
Me: “Because it’s an actual lemon.”
Patron: “It’s just a lemon.”
Me: “That someone can step on.”
Patron: “No one’s going to step on it.”
Me: “Ma’am, it’s food…produce. Not a toy. There are actual toys to play with over here.”

WHY IS THIS EVEN A CONVERSATION?